Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
