I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
