Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
