office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
