its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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