were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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