he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
