I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
It's shark week go big or go home
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
