My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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