Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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