I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
4 words: hood of his car
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Randomize
