if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
