I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
