Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
