No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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