I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
