I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
