You work out of a Hotel?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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