I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
