mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
