dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
