the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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