so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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