I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
