Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
