The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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