no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
