it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
