By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guiltš
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing āthis is going right up my assā. LOUDLY
Randomize
