sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
