capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
