david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
