remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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