Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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