Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
