she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
