was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
