my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
