this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
