hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
