no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
