im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
