Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
