Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Randomize
