Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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