I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I am midnight drunk by noon
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
