Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You are a genius and a whore.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
