I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
