My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
