I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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