Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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