Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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